Albert Quixall

And for added comedy value too.

Aye. Ashoton uses all the right phrases and buzzwords that would appeal to Woodward. 'Re-establish' United!! FFS, when were we ever disestablished? Maybe he should be looking for work with the Church of England.

We hired a former Sun hack to put a gloss on things then? I never knew that but a quick search turned up Ashton's working brief: Turning his focus to the future, the launch of his Ashton Media Group has embarked on the difficult task of trying to repair the reputation of Manchester United and, specifically, Manchester United Chief Executive Ed Woodward. “Part of my job is to re-establish Manchester United,” said Ashton. “I got to know Ed Woodward a little bit. I discovered that the portrayal of Ed Woodward is not accurate. It’s a guy that absolutely loves Manchester United. “I want to change perception of not only himself but the ownership of the club.” A task that Sisyphus himself would have a hard time with. Even the best spin-doctor in the World couldn't repair the image of the Glazer family. They have refused to speak to the supporters; refused to refute the allegations of draining money from the club, and they've never explained why they haven't appointed a DoF and have been content to leave it to Woodward. Also there's the fact that was on Murdoch's payroll. That should be enough in of itself to raise the ire of fans.

What was that you wrote about somebody mis-spelling McTominay's name the other day?

Can't be arsed with Twitter. Last I read, Sporting were saying that their player would remain at the club for the foreseeable future.

That's Lowry. No 'e'.

Hello. We've got a keyboard hard man here.

Good idea. He'll bang in the goals for us.It'll be like signing a new player...

This.

And their six-fingered fan base. Burnley will come for a point, Bardsley will crack plenty of shins, and it will be as dour as fuck.

My paternal grandfather was in Belgium in 1917 with the Manchester Regiment. He used to tell me how one of their sergeants won a VC by charging a German machine gun nest and killing some snipers.

30 points behind them and it's only January.

Burnley are in form. Turned it around against Leicester and looked decent.

Dunno, but he needs a lot of coaching. He doesn't dribble well at all but he's not bad when he gets into space. Needs a good wing-back behind him.

...From Uzbekistan maybe. I think they recruited the medical staff from an old Soviet gulag. They're experimenting on our players.